All good things must come to an end: The Wrap-Up Post

Well, here I am, sitting in the basement of my family's home in Euclid, Ohio, attempting to begin this post that I have been dreading and avoiding for almost a month now.

It's a strange feeling writing this post in The Immokalee Chronicles, while not actually being in Immokalee. However, I write to bring closure to my experiences, as well as share with all  you wonderful people who actually take time to read this, about my final days of such an incredible journey.

I've been home for almost a month now, and since I've been home, I've been in this re-adjustment period of being back in Ohio, living in my parent's house, brothers and sisters running around, playing catch-up with friends, not working, not having a Ford Taurus at my disposal...it's rough.

I haven't had much time to process that my year is over. It feels like it was just beginning, like I just announced my decision on Facebook, just had my going-away party, just piled into a car with three other people and our luggage and made the 24-hour drive down to Florida.

Right when I got home from Immokalee, it was wedding time. My brother got married, and with that came rehearsal dinner, hair and makeup appointments, ceremony, photos and reception. Following that was days playing catch-up with some friends, and even a surprise Welcome Home Celebration (I'm sure I've mentioned before, but I have some pretty fantastic friends)!

People ask what it's like being home. I have mixed feelings.

Change is difficult. I'm glad to be home but I am sad to leave Immokalee. It is a close to a year of lots of change, transition, growth, and faith. It's been formative in so many different ways. While a lot of the year was rough, I always loved the work I was doing, I clung to that. God got me through the rough spots and I grew a LOT in myself, who I am, and with my relationship with God-because at times, that's all I had.

The last month of Immokalee was amazing. It was perfect. I met some incredible friends, loved the summer program I was working at, and "home life" was stable. I was able to reach out to people in ways I wasn't able to before, and I formed and strengthened relationships in that short amount of time. Then I had to leave.  It was rough because at that point, I was like, "man, if things were like this all year, I would have definitely seen myself staying another year". But at the time I had to make that choice, the best choice was going back to serve one more year in Cleveland.   And I don't regret the choice- I feel it was God-led and that's where I am meant to be. I'm excited for it. I'm excited for a new opportunity and for my community. The girls I will be living with in Cleveland are phenomenal and I know God is just going to do awesome things. I feel extremely blessed and taken care of. Perseverance through hard times brings forth great rewards. I'm seeing it so clearly now.


I love Immokalee. I love the people there. I love the community and the spirit and the strong family ties and the strength of the people I met there. I'm thankful for the hard times, for they forced me to grow. I'm thankful for all the people I met, whether they were easy to deal with or not, for they taught me a lot about human interaction, compassion, communication and so many other things. I'm thankful for the stories I heard, the conversations I had, and the time spent getting to know people. I'm thankful for the opportunities to hold the babies, teach the children, tutor the girls, and march with the farmworkers. I'm thankful for so many things.

I'm so thankful it happened and for how everything happened. There were definitely times throughout the year that I questioned: "Why is this happening?". Slowly but surely, the answers are being revealed and I am confident that everything happens for a reason and all things come together to create an amazing story.

A year of service is an amazing thing. It goes both ways. I have been served and blessed in so many ways. I learn so much and have been given so much by the people I met.

I'm not gone forever. I'm sure I will be back to Immokalee at some point. This past year in Immokalee has been a treasure. I am not who I was a year ago. While I miss the people there, I know I will see them again.

To all who read this blog throughout the year, I thank you. I thank you for walking this journey with me, and sharing in my experiences. I leave you with some pictures of my final days, and ask for your prayers for me as I prepare to transition into a new house, new community and new job in Cleveland :)

Haven't written in awhile, because I have been super busy.

Summer program has been taking up my days (8am-5pm basically), and leaves me super tired by the end of the day. But I love it, it is so much fun. My class is adorable. There are a few children who really test my patience, but I feel much less stressed about this group than my after-school group. Though I loved them as well. Must be because I am well prepared and well-equipped with supplies and donations from all the wonderful people in my life ;)


We had an immersion group here from Walsh Jesuit High School. It was my first immersion group that I planned all on my own. It went splendidly. I have become a master at planning. Okay, not really a master, but it's been a learning and growing process for me. I now know I am capable of planning a week long immersion, on my own. Go me! :)

I went to Sr. Maureen's house the other night for dinner. She is a lawyer and does amazing immigration law work. I met another dear woman, Sr. Genevieve while I was over. They are both so kind. Dinner was lovely. Today, I went to the beach and a movie (Monsters University-my choice) with Sr. Genevieve. Then we got some dinner. It was a lovely day of fun. I am so blessed to come to know such wonderful people, who live just one street over.

Tomorrow I am going to Ave Maria for breakfast and church with the wonderful family I met there. It will most likely be the last time I see them...so it's bittersweet. Monday I get to see Daniela (woot woot!) and hopefully get some ice cream if it works out. Unfortunately, pretty sure it will be my last time seeing her as well....Bittersweet. I hate goodbyes. But I guess I am considering it a 'see ya later', because I hope to return here some day for a visit.

I have a few weeks left here, but  the other day I finished my required 1700 volunteer hours. How crazy. In the beginning it seemed like SO many. But I did it. Finished early, too.
Again, go me! :)

I have been feeling all types of ways lately. Things have been SO good! SO so amazingly good. I am so happy with life. Things down here are great. Work is amazing. I've  made some pretty awesome friends. I am able to minister to people in the way that I have been wanting to all year. And it's all happening now...weeks before I leave.  Everything is coming together and is really really great for me...and I have to leave it soon. Part of me wants to complain and sulk because wahhhhh Why did it have to happen right as I'm leaving?!?! But the other half of me is so thankful and blessed that it's happening at all. I can leave on a good note. God answered my prayers and is giving me everything I yearned for. In His time. It will be a hard leave. A very hard leave. But, in everything, all glory needs to be given to God. He has blessed me with friends, special caring kind and generous people in my life, a ministry, a fulfilling job, and a stable living situation. I could not ask for more. There is a reason it's all happening now when it is. I'm sure it will all make sense some day. At the very least, it shows me that there are great rewards to follow after trials and hardship. Persevere, good people. God doesn't make us go through hardship for nothing. There is always something greater in store.

I would write more, but I need to further reflect on everything happening right now....

Peace and all good things. :)

Markers.

So, I take much delight in the fact that some of my deepest revelations come through the simplest things. Today, it came through markers.

Today was the first day of Guadalupe STAR Program. After days in the office preparing, training days, and preparing the room, we set in today ready to go. When I found out the materials and resources would be limited, I went to my wonderfully amazing support system of friends and family for assistance, and naturally, they came through. My room is becoming more and more full of supplies, and boxes keep coming. I went home for a lunch break today (a luxury, since I live only two minutes away from the school), and awaiting me were two packages.  A bit later, two more packages showed up.  I am SO appreciative of the kindness, generosity and support of all who helped out. Thank you. Thank you. A million times thank you.

Some of the supplies donated were from the school in Ave Maria. I've mentioned before the wonderful family I  have come to know there, and when I was over their house for breakfast one Sunday morning, I told them about the program and lack of supplies, and they were ready and willing to head up a supply drive at the school. I am so thankful for them, and all who donated to this cause. Naturally, as the year wound down, the kids gave a lot of their old supplies, including markers, crayons, glue, pencils, erasers, etc. (Thank you kids!)

When sorting out the boxes, and putting individual supplies into bags, I quickly noticed the amount of markers that were piling up. I realized a lot of them were lighter than others, meaning, they probably didn't work. I then thought back to my childhood, and the disappointment and frustration that came when I went to place my marker on my white paper to create a masterpiece, and it came out light and dull because, well, the marker was running out of juice. I then had the internal debate of: "Do I just take all the markers, because they were donated and that was really nice? The kids can get what they get." or "Do I go through the markers, one by one, test them out, and pitch the ones that don't work?" I thought about my situation. I had asked for help, people had responded. These kids needed supplies, now we had them. But it also made me think: Just because these children come from low-income families living in a low-income area, does that mean they are supposed to have lower quality things, or should they be able to have access to the same quality resources as the other kids? Yes, this even means having markers that work.

It made me think back to when I was younger, and my mom would have me go through my clothes, find things I didn't wear, and put them in a bag for Goodwill or Salvation Army. I remember hating this process, and though I knew I was doing a good thing, I didn't really understand it. I found clothes that I never wore because of a rip or a stain, and I bagged those up. I remember my mom saying that wasn't right, and questioned why I was giving away clothes that were ruined. I obviously wouldn't wear them, why should I expect someone else to? In my naivety, I thought that well, if they needed the clothes so bad, they would take them, stains, holes, and all. Shame on my young self.

I get it now.


Just because people come from a financially disadvantaged place, doesn't mean they should be given the scraps and the leftovers that no one wants. I, by no means,  want this to sound like I am ungrateful for those markers. I AM IMMENSELY GRATEFUL! But the markers made me think much more grand-scale, and about how I have viewed things in the past. People shopping at the thrift stores want nice clothes, too. (I would know, anything I have bought while in Immokalee has been from the local Goodwill. And thankfully, people have been nicer than the younger me, and have donated cute, good-quality clothes). And, well,  kids want good markers! :)

My kids and I are more than willing to take donated supplies. We welcome it. We appreciate it. We love it. But at the same time, I want them to keep their dignity and not feel like they are getting the scraps. So, does this mean I went through over 300 markers and tested each one out??

Of course I did.

I am so grateful for these little lessons I learn each and every day...through the smallest things. I have been having so many of these beautiful "little moments" here...and I love it. The great part about these moments are they happen every day, in all of our lives. We don't need to be doing anything huge. We don't need to be on a volunteer year. We don't need to be away from home. They are happening every day, everywhere. We just have to notice them.

We are SO thankful for all donations, all supplies, and all materials. This poster hangs in our room, in the middle of the kids' "About Me" pages. We are so thankful for all the help we have received.

life updates

I haven't posted in forever. That is because I have been SUPER busy. Time is just flying by! We are already in June! I WILL BE HOME NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finished up after-school three Fridays ago, and finished up at Pace two Fridays ago. It was really hard for me to leave Pace because I love it so much there, and it really has become my home here in Immokalee. When things are hard and everything is chaotic here, that was my the one constant place that made me want to get up every morning. I was honored the day I left by being named Employee of the Month. I started to cry as I was walking out. The executive director as well as some faculty and staff took me out to lunch and it was really nice. I loved being there and it will forever be in my heart. 

I've been working at Guadalupe Center in the office preparing for summer program. Tons of copying, binder assembling, supply gathering, nametag making, etc. etc.  It's cool doing the behind-the-scenes work...never knew how much work really went into preparing for it. 

We had two days of orientation, and tomorrow we set up our classroom. Wednesday we start :) I have 22 kids in my class, and 4 of them are ones I had in after-school program so I am excited :) I am also excited about all my new materials and supplies people have so kindly sent me. The kids will benefit so much from them and I feel so blessed. I have some more packages being sent as well and I am just so grateful for the support I am receiving from family and friends. :) 

My dear friend/soro sister Laura came to visit last weekend, I love her she is just the best. Some highlights of the visit were our trip to the beach and getting some delicious pizza. Mmmm mmm mmmm. And buying melons at the side of the road. :) It was so nice seeing her and catching up. Her visits mean so much to me. This weekend my program director Sr. Mary and my dear friend Carrie came. It was so nice having them here. We explored the town, they went to different organizations and met with people, we had a cook-in (was supposed to be a cook-out, but it rained) and had some HM alums over as well. We went to church, brunch and beach on Sunday for a bit before we got rained on. And we played a three hour game of cards. We watched Sister Act 1 AND 2, and had ice cream. We went to the market. And we got locked out of my car, and had 3 strangers help us get it open. They turned down the money I offered them, and it re-affirmed something I already knew. There are BEAUTIFUL people here in Immokalee, and in the world. I love the moments like those. I will also mention, that, in total, it took three  hours to get that car open. And these three people came to help us, literally one minute after Carrie and I decided to pray. God is good. :)

Got 38 days left here...which just seems crazy. My year is almost over. I'm ready for home but will miss Immokalee a lot. It's changed me. I've grown so much. And I've fallen in love with the people here. There are two immersion groups coming down soon---one this weekend! Eeek! I hope everything goes smoothly. Immokalee is a beautiful place and I want their experiences to echo that. 

Anyways...I'm super tired as I type this, so I am going to wrap it up. :) Thanks for reading, I will write more soon. :)

The "important issue post"

One of the greatest parts of being in Immokalee has been the pleasure of gaining a wonderful friend named Daniela. She was an intern here at the Coalition of Immokalee Workers from the time I got down here in August through December. She lived just a few houses down from our house, and throughout her time here, we grew closer and had some pretty awesome times together. After her internship, she went back home to Miami. I've missed having her around, but I know she is doing some incredible social justice and organizing work out there. She has an incredible blog about her experiences, that you should definitely check out: Daniela's Blog

Anyways, her and I always have the conversation about the difference in our blogs. Hers are all about important issues whereas mine, well, I sort of just describe as a rambling mess of my day to day life. Not saying what I write about isn't important, but it's sort of more for people who want to be informed about me, my life, and my experience down here-not really something I'd show just anyone and expect them to read. So, the other day, she informed me that she wrote a blog post about nothing and maybe it was time for me to write one on about something really important. I agreed. I do want to do that, but coming up with a topic or subject that I feel is really important AND that I can write about and sound informed and intelligent on, is a bit of a task.

So, I decided it would be best to write a topic on something I could personally relate to. An issue effecting a lot of people, but that hits closer to home for me. I can sound intelligent and informed, because it is something I have experienced and struggle with. 

While this isn't going to be a post about Immokalee or my experiences here, I feel it's okay to blog about it here because throughout my time here, I have come to realize more and more the importance of feeling passionate about an issue or a cause, and working towards eliminating the problem. I have become more vocal about things I believe and find important. I have been inspired by people standing up for something, speaking out against it, and using their personal story and struggle to impact others and promote change.

The issue I want to focus on is women being made to feel bad about themselves and their appearances. 

I know so many girls and women, regardless of age, who have been made to feel they have to look or be a certain way in order to be attractive, beautiful, employable, or worth something. 

Society is never happy. If you are too skinny, you are a skeleton and look sickly. If you are to big, you are a cow. You're mocked for crooked teeth, you're mocked for braces. Mocked for having glasses, freckles, frizzy hair. More and more emphasis is being put on having to look some way, be a certain weight, be a certain height, be properly proportionate, have the right kind of hair, makeup, clothes, shoes, accessories...and less and less emphasis is put on being a good person. Doing what is right. Having a good heart. Personality. Character. 

It's pathetic.

People are constantly tearing down others on how they look, as well. Could it be because those very same people feel poorly about themselves? Perhaps, they didn't meet the standards of "beauty" or "attractiveness" that society places on them? Regardless of why people do it, it's happening. 


I watched a clip from the Jimmy Kimmel show of celebrities reading mean Tweets from people (Watch Clip Here). Obviously it was meant to be funny, and it was. Of course these celebrities could care less about what some random people from who-knows-where are saying about them, but at it's core, it's sad that people feel the need to attack others-famous or not-on being ugly, fat, dumb, etc. 

Check out the magazine rack at the grocery store. How many magazine titles and tabloids show pictures of female celebrities who have just gotten "too fat"? 

It has even gotten to the point where clothing stores, such as Abercrombie and Fitch, are marketing only to "the in-crowd, the thin and beautiful people". Are you SERIOUS? Because that is a GREAT way to make people feel poorly about themselves, increase eating disorders, which I don't even have to say, can lead to death. Cool. Real Cool. This article I read (Read Article Here), including commentaries from the CEO, literally just makes me sick to my stomach. YES my STOMACH. The stomach that I have, that is not flat, and is not a six-pack. 

And just a side-note for Abercrombie and Fitch, I just miss your size cut-off...and I am STILL beautiful. :)

There have also been cases of people being fired or moved to the back of a store for gaining weight or being to fat. Of course there are anti-discriminatory rules against this, and most companies would deny that being the reason for termination, but it still happens. One such example. This model was a size 4. A SIZE 4. And was fired for not fitting into clothes. She was 5'10" and 120 lbs. was "too big".  These unrealistic expectations disgust me.

Society has given us these expectations that we as women are supposed to meet in order to be "beautiful". When we don't match up to the celebrities we see on TV, in the movies, or on magazines, we are supposed to feel as though we are not measuring up, like we have to change. There needs to be a huge societal shift in mindset. Our beauty is not defined by the way we look. Why should it be? Yes, it's important to take care of ourselves and our appearance. It is good to be healthy and eat right, exercise, etc. We want to feel confident and present ourselves well. But what get's me most heated, is when people are so cruel and so mean, that they attack other people on how they look. We need to worry about ourselves, and not other people. 

People think they have this right to call people out on what they look like. Yet, how do you know that person you are calling fat isn't struggling with a health issue that is preventing them from losing weight? How do you know that person isn't dealing with an issue that causes them to eat to escape their feelings or comfort themselves? How do you know that person isn't struggling EVERY day with low self-esteem? Yet, we have the RIGHT to call them out and bully them into feeling less than human because we don't approve of how they look? I say "we", because I am referring to society as whole. As a collective unit. That each and every one of us is a part of. 

I mentioned it before that this hits home for me, and it does. I, along with many others, have struggled for years, with my appearance and how I looked/felt about myself. I can remember such feelings of insecurity with my weight back beginning around the age of 10. I am currently 22, so do some simple math, that's 12 years. It's a constant struggle figuring out what works and what the best methods are of maintaining and/or losing weight. What foods to eat, how much food, what to avoid, how much exercise, what types of exercises, when to exercise, etc. etc. The list is endless and it's hard. But, aside from the internal struggle, what makes it most hard is the mean comments from others. Growing up, I can think back to comments people have made to me, referring to my weight, including but not limited to "fat" and "big".  Who gave those people the right to say those things to me? Did they think I didn't have a mirror of my own at home and that I could not see for myself what I looked like? Did they genuinely feel better about themselves after hurting me? I don't know. It makes me sad though.. Not a "poor me" sad, no. That's what I felt at the time, but now it just makes me sad that people must not be feeling very good about themselves, which then causes them to inflict their own pain and insecurity onto others. 

Below, are some pictures that other people felt the need to comment on (mind you, people I did not even know and who didn't know me) about my weight/appearance. I share these personal things with whoever is reading this, with the intent of showing that I will not let these people's cruelty keep me from sharing these photos. They will not win. 

This was right before I was preparing to leave for Immokalee. It was my last night hanging with some friends and saying goodbye. The comment on this picture, from a female I did not know, referenced that I needed to lose weight. 

This was a night with my sisters in college, preparing to go a toga party. I remember us all having so much fun, laughing together, and all so proud of the outfits we made for ourselves. The comment on this photo was from a male that only knew one of these girls, and was insulting the rest of us on either weight or appearance.

There were no mean comments on this photo (naturally, because we all look wonderful). ;) However, the night this photo was taken, I was insulted by a man (who I did not know) at a bar, and was called, once again, fat. 

The point is society stinks. And society's expecations stink. We all need to realize our unique beauty that we all individually possess, and OWN IT. Will it always be easy? Heck no! Will it be a struggle? YES. But I invite you all, with me, to tell society and it's crazy expectations to Bring.It.On.   I have had enough with being made to feel bad about myself. It is my choice whether or not I let people's opinions effect me. I could dwell on the mean things and cry over them every night, or I could take joy in the fact that every day, I walk into my classroom after-school and am hugged and told by little 7 yr. old Neomi, that I am a beautiful, fairy princess. Every day. 

 I am an educated woman, with incredible friends, a supportive family, a kick-butt sense of humor, and a giving heart. These things, among many others, make me proud to be who I am and that is what makes me beautiful. Knowing yourself, knowing your worth are the first steps. Let NO ONE define your worth. Ever. 

You are uniquely you. There is no other you in the world. Never has been and never will be. YOU are BEAUTIFUL. 

my weekend visitor :)

My lovely friend and sorority sister Laura came to visit me again this weekend, from Tallahassee. I love that she is in the state with me during this year. She's so selfless, to come and make the 7 hr drive each way, to see me. I'm so blessed. :) We had a lot of fun and it was so nice to see a familiar face and catch up. Saturday we spent the day at the beach in Naples, and I am all sorts of different colors (tan, white, red, pink) from that experience. It was a beautiful day and so many people were there. We got some delicious Chinese food afterwards and then went to see the Great Gatsby afterwards, which was excellent. We came back to Immokalee and got some ice cream. I am so thankful for her friendships and her visits. As my mom put it, it seems I keep getting little spurts of joy in between my rough patches. This is so true. I have a lot coming up as the year comes to an end. A lot of planning and projects and transitions...and I stress easily. So having a visit with a dear friend was much needed. This morning, we went to the farmer's market and then she headed out. It was a wonderful weekend, and I so enjoyed her company. I'm so thankful for friends, laughter, good conversation, inside jokes, beaches, Chinese food, movies, and discovering that Laura and I are, in fact, twins ;) 

DISNEY WORLD

Okay, so I was blessed enough to be able to go to Disney World April 12-14th. It was something I have been waiting for my whole 22 years of life. I had never gone and when my sorority sister, Karen, who works there told me she could get me in...I just about died!!! I wanted to wait to post about it until I had the pictures from it, but they are still on the camera and I don't have access to them right now.  But I will include a few from my phone. It was such a magical experience, and when we were on the ferry headed over to Magic Kingdom, and I saw the castle for the first time, I was SO excited. I felt like a child the entire time, and well, I'm allowed to--IT'S DISNEY! EVERYONE CAN BE A CHILD THERE! It was an amazing few days, but I wish I could have been there longer. There is so much to see and take in and a weekend is just not enough. I got to meet the princesses though, and my most favorite, Pocahontas!!!! We went on rides and got to see a Lion King show which was INCREDIBLE. So good!! I felt like a child the entire time, and the joy in my heart is something I'd love to have, all the time! I get so bogged down with stress and overloaded with everything going on in life, that I forget the simple things and the good things in life. It was a good reminder, and a good relaxing break from the real world. 
I feel like I have been so incredibly blessed while being down here. I gave up a year of my life to live simply, with very little means and money. Yet I have been so blessed with so many great opportunities, thanks to the amazing friends I have in my life and the people and places I work for. It's so important to remember the goodness and kindness people have shown me, so that one day when I am able, I, too, can help others have amazing experiences. :)